Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
