last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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