Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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