Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Please don't give away my fajitas
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
