He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
