"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
you have to choose: penises or morals?
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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