we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
