HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
