lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
