matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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