Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
