mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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