Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
it hurts more in the daytime
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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