yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
