im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
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