he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
