Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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