Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
