She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
