Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
