Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
