Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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