i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
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