Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I think people are normalizing furries
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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