I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
