Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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