It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
People in love make me want to vomit
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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