apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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