I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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