Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
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I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
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If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
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