I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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