I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i think my mom watched the whole time
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
