dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
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