He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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