Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
