Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
