I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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