Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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