I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
