I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
she peed on how many people?
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I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
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i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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