I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
