I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
