drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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