Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
