overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize