If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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