I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
