Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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