The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
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