My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
