I'm jealous of your bromance
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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