Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
