I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
