Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
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You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
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