in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
