therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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