I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
