i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
