Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Randomize
