you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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