If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
