"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
