Say something about gay babies.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
