i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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