The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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