it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
