you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
