my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
