i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
