But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Randomize
