I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Randomize
