I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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