i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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