you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Randomize
