i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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