omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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